Hey all! It’s been a while since I wrote anything on this here blog…since just a few weeks after Crusade’s release. In that time I’ve had another novel come out, another coming out later this year, and lots of exciting stuff going on in that world.

In the past four years I’ve come to realize that, given the existence of my day job, I can either write novels, or I can write blog posts, and I know which one i’m going to pick. Maybe someday that will change, but not yet.

For now, I just want to write a few words about one of my favorite G.I. Joe Characters and why. So if toys and 80s nostalgia and G.I. Joe don’t interest you, check out now!

I have and still have very specific favorite Joe characters. I can’t always articulate why or how they become a favorite, and that’s sort of what I plan to talk through here. So without further ado, let’s talk about G.I. Joe’s original Salt, Hector Delgado, AKA SHIPWRECK

Original 25th Anniversary Version (V 11, 2007) V13 from a 2009 5 pack, and V12 from a 2008 Comic Pack with Copperhead.

As my collection does not currently feature any vintage Shipwrecks, and really very few vintage figures at all, I’m starting with the basic Shipwreck that came out in 2007 as the 25th Anniversary Figures suddenly ignited collecting fever in new and old Joe fans. Sharp-eyed collectors will notice that I customied this shipwreck a little bit, popping off his closed-fist hand and replacing it with another gloved hand because, well, I didn’t want one of my favorite characters to have only one weapon-grasping hand. Also few if any of these guys are carrying their actual original accessories…I’m a habitual swapper and part-changer in these minor ways.

I had the original Shipwreck, from 1985. I loved the character the very first time I saw him, though I couldn’t tell you when that was. A toy commercial? An episode of the cartoon? On the back of a figure with that iconic cross-sell art? I couldn’t tell you. Why’d I like him so much? I’d love to tell you it was my regard for the iconic uniform and traditions of the United States Navy or some deep commitment to the semi-mystical heroism of the sailor. I suspect it was that he had a parrot, tattoos, and a kick-ass pirate’s pistol. I was seven; I wasn’t deep.

I love the 2007 version’s sneer. I like that they didn’t get fancy with Polly; later versions of his parrot pal are fancier, prettier, and much less likely to stay where you put them.

This one looks a tad friendlier. Skinnier arms so he looks less like Popeye, which, frankly, is to his detriment. The shoulder bag comes with clever posts for a more ornate Polly to sit on, but it barely works. All in all it’s probably a “better” figure in some small, meaningless way; I think I prefer the first 25th Anniversary version still. This one looks happier to be there, less likely to complain, and less likely to chuck someone overboard for back-sass. In other words, less like the Shipwreck I know and revere.

Just a little comparison of the rank patches of Shipwreck in these 3 different uniforms. I’m not up enough on these things to know what the differences mean. The only explanation I WILL accept is that, naturally, Shipwreck is constantly gaining and losing rank because he is an irreplacable member of any unit but also a cranky asshole who gets ratings and rank taken away. On a side note, I guess we don’t yet know how the 25th Anniversary/Modern Era Joes are going to age…but the paint wear on Shipwreck’s elbow there (a figure that’s going on 13) probably doesn’t bode well.

Now, I prefer Shipwreck as a sailor. However, we all know there’s a contingent of Joe fandom that DEMANDS their plastic army men be REAL ASS SPECIAL FORCES SOLDIERS GRAARGH and toy designers tend to follow suit. So evenutally, in the 90s, Shipwreck got a redesign and suddenly became a Navy SEAL (joining Torpedo and Wet-Suit) instead of just a Gunner’s Mate and Machinist. Personally I’m not a huge fan of that development. I love Shipwreck’s appearances in the comics where he orders the rest of the Joes around at sea and think he can fit in any conception of a Joe team as a guy on the guns of the WHALE or taking the helm of any the various boats and assorted water-borne mayhem when necessary. But the next few figures are going to trend more in the REAL ASS direction, with one sharp left turn at the very end.

In order; V 15 aka Dollar General Shipwreck, V 14 from Rise of Cobra, and V 16, Arctic Shipwreck, a Toys R’ Us (RIP) Exclusive

Here we see a bit of the REAL ASS aesthetic creeping in. I’m going to speak in defense of the Rise of Cobra Shipwreck; he’s the only figure in that “delta armor” style from that movie I’ve actually kept around, I think. Why? Because they managed to keep him unique.

For instance, he’s still carrying the FN200 bullpup rifle they all carried but his, for some damn reason, has a harpoon on it. And that kind of whacky, unrealistic, silly detail is what makes G.I. Joe G.I. Joe. We’re talking about a comic/cartoon where soldiers (including a silent ninja with a wolf pet, a sailor with a parrot, and a Native American with an eagle) fight a snake-themed paramilitary AMWAY supported by punk bikers and a Scottish arms dealer with a liquid metal mask.

Shit is weird is what I’m saying.

Also he’s got a cool knife and a wicked Desert Eagle sidearm. He just needs a damn holster for it! Anyway, this Shipwreck kept some character, by Neptune. I can’t say the Dollar Store Shipwreck does the same, but it does look enough like the Shipwreck of the Devil’s Due Publishing version from the early 2000s, and that comic more or less got me back into reading comics, so. I can dig it. Even the Toys R Us (RIP) exclusive arctic Shipwreck has its moments.

Lookit that smiling bastard. He’s somewhere awful in some kind of crazy government issue body-suit; he’s got frost in his beard and all over his watch-cap, but you just know Shipwreck sniffed out whatever kind of local hooch the folks were drinking (or smuggled his own on whatever shit detail he got sent on) and has won everyone else’s hazard pay at dice and cards, lost it back, and is busy winning it again. You just know he’s got some scheme to collect extra per diems cooking, and he knows that he’s collecting chips he can later cash in for extra liberty or a TAD somewhere tropical. You can try, but you can’t hold Hector Delgado down, and figure is proof of that part of his character.

Then there’s this guy!

Yeah, okay. Put him in a tactical vest, with the same legs that Hasbro went absolutely NUTS putting on every figure they could around 2012 and onward with the integral holster. I mean, it’s fine. It’s whatever. It’s still Shipwreck so I still love it a little. And at least the t-shirt under the vest says NAVY. But the only thing differentiating this Shipwreck from a billion other Joes is his black watch cap and beard. At least this version of Polly is well painted; I don’t know if it’s actually the one that came with this figure or not, and it can only barely sit on the carry handle of his armor, as you can see. I have a lot less use for this sort of REAL ASS Shipwreck than I do our last example.

If you’ve known me in Joe collecting circles or on twitter for a while, you KNOW I love the Tiger Force color scheme. You know I don’t care at all about how unrealistic it is to wear a bright yellow camo shirt. I care not one tiny whit for how realistic any of it is or isn’t.

And you just know when Shipwreck got asked about joining Tiger Force (or any other subteam) his first question was about extra pay, hazard pay, uniform allowance, and what kickass gear he’d get to play with.

It’s majestic, completely unhinged and ridiculous, and I couldn’t possibly love it more. One day I ought to cosplay a Tiger Force Shipwreck (I ought to do a lot of things). It should be noted that this Joe Club subscription figure is based on an amazing Brazilian G.I. Joe, “Marujo,” that I’d love to get my hands on some day, but as it’s among the most popular and expensive international Joe variants, that’s unlikely.

So, do I understand any better why I love Shipwreck after writing all this? Not really. Perhaps it’s the filecard quote about him from 1985

Shipwreck is your quintessential sailor. He can splice a line, fry powdered eggs in the tooth of a gale and eat them, tell taller tales than a Senate Appropriations committee and take a three day liberty in Thule, Greenland and come back smiling.

Perhaps it’s the parrot and the flintlock pistol. Perhaps it’s the beard and the tattoos; I’ve got a predilection for those things myself. Perhaps it’s just the idea of the early Joe years, before all of us kids who loved it went on and read Clancy and Marcinko and played a bunch of Call of Duty; that you could join America’s daring, highly trained special mission force without being some pitiless dealer of death. And it’s worth noting, of course, that the definitive Joe continuity (Larry Hama’s comics) have never, ever presented Joe this way, have never ever made them into the Jack Ryan/Rogue Warrior/Call of Duty/Black Ops bullshit archetype our popular media is suffused with now.

There’s the fact that he is a not at all subtle nod to Jack Nicholson’s legendary Billy “Badass” Budusky in The Last Detail, one of the first movies I ever saw on Netflix and absolutely worth hunting down still. There’s the fact that his portrayal in the DDP comics showed up shacking up with Courtney “Cover Girl” Krieger, much to everyone else’s shock. But at the end I’m pretty sure it’s the fact that he seems like a pirate, and pirates are frickin’ cool when you’re seven years old, especially when they’re unequivocally a good guy.

Daniel M. Ford

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A Favorite Character and Why, or; The only Person I'd Hire as a Tour Guide in Thule, Greenland